I believe that our men follow us—we don’t follow them. I’ll go as far as to say that the world follows us, and then it follows him.

In that sense, we are the foundation of everything.

This is just one of the reasons I focus on healing—to be the absolute best version of ourselves.

Yet women notoriously put themselves last. We think we need to help heal others—those we love. We figure our own pain—our own wounds—aren’t as important.

But what if we really took on healing? I mean for real, for real. The way we take on loving our kids.

What if we took on ourselves in such a way that allowed us to be truly whole?

Because I’ll tell you right now, if you DON’T take your healing on, then you are not whole. And if you aren’t, how can you raise your son to be?

How do you empower your father, your uncle, your brother … the men who love us … to be their whole, best selves?

When we heal, we forgive. We mend. We become stronger.

And when you love the man in your life enough to forgive … to give it your all … then you love the way God loves.

And through that, you encourage, by way of your action or non-action, that man to heal.

It’s ALL through love.

As one of my beloveds wrote it:

Love changes the world … and the world is within you.

PLEASE BE CLEAR: I am NOT advocating for codependency, abuse, or letting some man walk all over you. I am NOT suggesting you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat for the greater good. We’ve been there and have done that! It doesn’t work. What I am talking about is loving the men who love us—the ones who have DEMONSTRATED that they are “for” us winning. These men are consistent in their regard and honor of us, no matter their role in our lives.

So please do not take my teachings out of context. I am deep-diving into how ALL of us can win.

I ask myself this question on a regular basis now: what would be available for all the people who love me and whom I love, if I were healed SO completely, I didn’t react, become offended, insulted, or take my love away? What if we, as women, healed ourselves so completely, we didn’t “need” a man, but “wanted” him? What if you and I healed our money wounds to the core, and there was no social reward or social pressure for men to “provide” financially for us?

The key to a world that works for everyone is healing! And it starts with us.

Please comment below so we can bear witness: What would it take for you to put your own healing first?

13 Responses to “WE Are the Foundation”

Comments List

  1. Ashia Clark

    Your perspective is everything Dr. Venus!! I have literally loved you since the first time I heard you speak. God bless you and thank you for blessing us with your gift❤️
  2. Brandi Luvern Williams

    YES!!!! IT IS TIME WE TOOK BACK OUR BLACK FAMILY UNITS! We have allowed the enemy to attack our very essence which is the tribe...or family structure. NO MORE can we be so intolerant of our own men, sons, brothers, uncles, cousins, fathers...etc etc.. we have been so tolerant of an oppressive force for so long that I feel the time has come for us that we can make room for our own. The time has come for us to raise up and fight back in the name of LOVE...there is good in bad...and there is bad in good..yin and yang....as one of our great talented musicians STEP IN THE NAME OF LOVE...WE MUST LEARN TO SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES. ...as Michael Jackson said it doesn't matter who's wrong or right just BEAT IT.
    • NAC

      Wow! I love it! Dr. Venus love you, your mind and the love and strength you have for others. So needed! Help!! I need to get unstuck. Your message today resonated with me so well I have to share a bit of my pain, my setback and for no other reason but to free myself and to get some direction. For so long I've dealt with the BS, the lies, having my kids to lie to authorities causing my life literally hell and it was because I chose to leave him I couldnt take it anymore. This man is a pretender, manipulator at heart, the angel that fell from the sky knows the bible inside out prays like no body business rsised by grandparents nice Godly people but have and continue to enable him, he claims to be a warrior for God, motivational speaker, an activist, a leader. Well from my experience thats so far from the truth. In fact this person has manipulated abused and constantly fabricated stories to cps the courts against me, misusing others mostly me for his glory. Pitting me against others and if I didn't listen he would call and make a false report. His words: you women have been doing this to men for decades its time to flip it so I was the chosen one to be the poster child damn I must have been totally broken stupid desperate blind to choose this devil. And I asked myself what did I do in my life time to choose this death sentence. For the longest I've dealt with the madness thinking I deserved it due to choosing him and staying. My thoughts were My kids. In 2004 he chose me, for his evil pleasure and plans and I fell for it. Due to his own brokeness and evil ways the end of 2005 the nightmare began. And its 2019 and he's still coming after me. In 2013 I walked away was sick and tired, drained, dehumanized simply disgusted. At one point I could have got 25 to life because he was informed by a family member(s) the following if you call the cops first you will gain control and he did after jumping on me, making sure he left no marks yet scratching himself.... Talk about humiliation, scared wanted to really lose my mind I've never been in trouble with the law before him. On/ off Ive been dealing with authorities / cps/ job loss/ lost my place after 20 years of residence/ constantly being question from police because he's teaching and bullying my boys to lie on me. This man is so broken and truly hates women me especially and teaching our boys to do the same it truly is sad and scary. So again when I read your phenomenal words today I do understand yet Im stuck and torn. Our sons are 10 + 13 and lives with him 60% and me 40% and he stills controls my life. I'm torn with walking away until there old enough to choose or until their grown in order to keep my freedom and gain peace of mine. Since Ive went from full-time Mom to part-time Mom Ive been a mental mess and I'm ready for CHANGE, because if I continue this way allowing him to control me Im not sure what tomorrow will hold. There's got to be a way out. Im open to direction and all feedback. My apologies for the scattered thoughts but Again Dr. Venus thank you for being YOU and sharing and being surrounded by LOVE.
      • Dr. Venus

        Dear NAC, Thank you for sharing your lived experience with us so we can bear witness. I loved this line in your sharing, "...Our sons are 10 + 13 and lives with him 60% and me 40% and he stills controls my life. I’m torn with walking away until there old enough to choose or until their grown in order to keep my freedom and gain peace of mine." I wonder what would be possible if you started to focus on taking care of you instead of reacting to him. I encourage you to let go and let God. So many sisters continue because of the kids, not realizing that the kids have their own destiny regardless of parents. So I encouarge you: what would it take for you to love yourself MORE than anything--including your kids? What actions are a match for self-love instead of self-sacrfice? When you take on self-love, it will tell you what to do. I hope this helps... Dr. Venus
  3. <a href='http://www.tasteplumgood.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Angela Chester Johnson</a>

    It would take understanding, that, where and how I am wounded. I think on Harriett Tubman's quote: I freed 1000 slaves, and could have saved 1000 more, if they had known they weren't free. Healing is a beautiful thing.
  4. <a href='http://www.innergodpower.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Zelda Hayes</a>

    This put so many thoughts into my head Dr.Reese. I believe its important for a man to see how we as women love ourselves first, I believe it sets the stage as an example of knowing our worth ,then perhaps he will too. I feel we must depend on ourselves to heal, which keeps us strong, perhaps then the men we chose to love, who may have issues of their own will follow suit. In this we bring out the best in black love. Or shall I say Love.
  5. <a href='http://www.willitacherie.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Willita Lewis</a>

    This article was very timely as I have been on a mission to love my man better. He is definitely one of a kind, and I feel like I have been allowing my past hurt from previous relationships to hurt him. I have been on a journey for healing. Thank you for sharing this article 🙂
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Willita, You are very welcome. I think it is extraordinary that you a willing and able to see how your past is impacting your relationship AND your willing to change and grow. You are inspiring! Dr. V
  6. <a href='http://www.decordorea.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Roxann Bascom</a>

    A learning that would make me feel a permanent sense of enlightenment and peacefulness inside myself.

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