WARNING: This series is not for the faint of heart. I almost feel like you should opt in for it, so YOU remember you had a choice …

READER DISCRETION ADVISED. I curse, cry, and pray—sometimes in the same breath.

I am a hot mess on a good day. #youthinkimplayin

I flex on a regular—especially with God. I talk to God like he is a Black Man who JUST got out of prison. So be warned. If you are easily offended or quick to judge, STOP READING NOW. I say that in love. I don’t want this to shock, insult, or hurt your feelings. #justsayin

I am going through some thangs. So don’t expect me to feed you, consider you, give a  f*ck about your feelings in this series. I have ZERO space for takers, haters, or petty motherf&ckers …

If you are reading this for a tip, inspiration, or motivation—good luck. I am not writing for you in this series. This is for me. So feel free to bear witness, glean, or go away.

I don’t have the wherewithal right now to take care of you AND me. It’s way too exhausting. So since I only have the energy I have, I have to choose.

I choose me.

———————-

It was one of “those” moments … the kind you look back on as a defining instant in your life.

My phone rang. It was my doctor.

The two benign fibroid tumors in my uterus were messing with my kidneys.

I heard the words … “hysterectomy next week.” “In bed for at least four weeks.” “Total recovery up to a year or two.”

Suddenly, the choice is made for me.  

To say I’m emotional is an understatement.

Be prepared for me to go from hope to rage in about zero to sixty. #cantevenhelpit

I feel trapped.

EVERYTHING is on hold.

I feel powerless.

I miss Happy. I put him in boarding school while I have the surgery and recover enough to take him on his walks.  

Nanna is coming.

I feel despondent. Disheartened. Dejected.

I don’t want to do sh$t. I just want to … I don’t even know anymore.

I feel hateful right now. I had JUST gotten back to feeling good about me. I was creating the future. MY future. I could feel my confidence and my power restored. Clarity was present.

Now, I have to cancel trips. Take myself out of programs.

I have to just STOP.

This is a whole different season for me. And in this season, I contend with a question …

… am I a woman without my womb?

It haunts me.   

Please don’t tell me to be strong. Or that “God’s got it.” I’m not strong, and I know God’s got it. I just can’t hear it right now.

All I can hear is the harsh silence of waiting.

Everything is fuzzy. I can’t hear God. I can’t hear the whispers …

Still, despite all of this, I can look forward to the gifts from Spirit through this. God is faithful.

I thank you in advance for your prayers, intentions, good juju, and loving thoughts. I need them all … #health #healing #fibroids #blessings #peace

When I was younger, if I felt this … lost, I would hurt myself. Take to the streets and do some bullsh%t that I knew would hurt me. I didn’t care. No one gave a f@ck about me, so why should I?

If I were still drinking, I would have gotten f@cked up by now.

Please know that I HAVE to focus on soul-stirring self-love, now. Radical self-care. I have to write for me … to do something with everything that moves inside of me, begging for release. I need to articulate the energetic space I am moving through now, so I don’t hurt myself.

I will write for me, and for all women who have ever gone through this (or a similar) journey, in the Raw and Real series.

And I will try to give content to pour into you, the entrepreneur, when I can.

I appreciate your understanding, and your patience.

I worry that I won’t be able to inspire you the same way, when I write for me.

But I trust you understand.

I love you.

Thank you for loving me back, even when I go dark.

With all the love my heart can hold…

Dr. Venus

35 Responses to “The Raw & Real Series: The Call That Changed My Life”

Comments List

  1. Christabella

    I believe in doing whatever that will heal you during a rough process. I've been at a stage where I knew God was still God but just didn't want to hear it. I can relate to that stage. Do what you feel will heal you and know that God is giving you strength.
    Reply
      • Valarie Hawkins

        Hate to hear about what you are going through sis, but you are Dr. Venus for a reason. Even through all this you will come out as the inspiration that you are. Im praying that God will heal you right now, through the blood of His Son Jesus. Let us keep the faith together. God bless you!
        Reply
  2. Carol Walker

    Don't faint; you will get through this test if you don't get weary. Just reflect back on where you have been. See how far He has brought you? On the other side of this test awaits even more blessings. It just doesn't like look it now. Imagine how Jesus must have felt hanging on that cross being the Creator's Son. But just remember where He is now - seated beside His Father. No, I'm not indicating that you are going to die. Just saying the next blessing is greater. I'm praying with you. Keep the FAITH!!!!
    Reply
  3. Karen Mahamadou

    The same thing happened to me. At the time I was devastated. I wanted to have more children and I was thinking I would not be a woman. I was bleeding for days, coming thru my clothes. I had to do something. I prayed and prayed. Thinking God would remove the tumors. My back was killing me also. I had the surgery and I did not feel it going to the surgery or even after the surgery. It hurt so bad. It took me 6 months to recover, but when I did I felt like a new woman. I did not go thru menapose cause the ovaries were still there. It's been about 20 years, I am sexually active and I am still happy. A woman with experience did my surgery and she went in through the belly. Keep praying girl, God's got you and I am sexy, feel sexy and again I am happy.
    Reply
  4. Jahmia Scott

    Many prayers and positive energy for and to you. Before you go through anything medical, please FIRST get at least 2 other opinions. Unfortunately there is A LOT of racism in this healthcare system. Historically African American women are told to get a hysterectomy whereas white women are usually given other options like medications.
    Reply
  5. Kelly Beech

    You are loved. You are Supported. You are a Workd Changer. Peace peace peace. Breath in....Breath out. Repeat. Your spirit is so powerful negative energies are trying to distract you from your MultiPurposed Journey. Breath through these anxieties and Think on the things that are TRUE lovely and good report. I love you dearly my SuperWonderWarriorQueen Sister. Be Well.
    Reply
  6. Wanda Lee-Stevens

    First thing I thought—sculpted, lifted. Your prior pain had manifested itself physically within your womb you were feeling it so deep. And now that physical manifestation that was/is not good for you is being removed. Sculpted. Lifted. Woman, thou are loosed of all the pain those fibroids represent. Hallelujah! Your healing, though it feels untimely, is necessary for God to do his complete works through you. Fear not, brave soul. Me time is the most precious commodity we can have as a woman! Womaness is just as much spiritual, mental as it is physical, even more so, so don’t trip on that either. I think your power is expanding is all. Know that you’re loved. WLS
    Reply
  7. Karen Saturday

    We love you, and we are praying for you. You will let us know when you are in the space where your spirit can take in more. We respect that, because most of us have been somewhere in our journey where we could not hear much more than that. We will be there on the other side when you emerge victorious! #foreversisters #witness
    Reply
  8. <a href='http://wellnesswithritha.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>ritha bookert</a>

    Yes, any loss can elicit a lot of the anxieties that you feel so glad that you will get the support from your Na Na and also I have a bible verse that I wanted to share 2 Timothy: 1:7. Peace Be Still.
    Reply
  9. Yolanda

    Phenomenal Woman BY MAYA ANGELOU Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing, It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need for my care. ’Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. And You Dr. Reeves When I first met you at one of your events in New Jersey the power and energy you brought upon your entrance was breathtaking . You have God and therefore the healing power to see you through - this to shall pass. Xoxo 😘
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Yolanda, Thank you for sharing THIS poem with me at THIS moment in time. I love you for this and your sweet words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. vor
      Reply
  10. Dora

    You will be alright. I like you have been trying to get back to me. I had every thing I wanted.My life changed in 2006. When I had a hysterectomy. I had been with this guy for years married him in 2010. Caught him cheating in 2014. Divorced started in 2015 He put liens against my house. Had to file bankruptcy in 2017 Cause I went to a seminar that said it could help me build a legacy for my family. I'm close to retirement now and back in the renting world. I been so lost the last few years, but still trust in God. I read the email that you sent. You are a inspiration to others put that smile back on your face. You can do it. Much love stay strong it doesn't change you as a women
    Reply
  11. Tomika Hairston

    Yes, get it all out. Fuss, scream, holler, etc. Do whatever it is you need to do to release all the negative energy. Then close your eyes, put yourself in a bubble and go to your happy place, a place that brings you so much joy and peace. Stay there as long as you need to. You are victorious! The doctor tells you it going to take X amount of time for you to recover, REALLY?! DOES HE KNOW WHO YOU ARE?! NO! YOU ARE A PHENOMENAL WOMAN! You have already defied the odds. It may take everyone else that long to heal, but not you! The enemy can't keep you down. You have to much work to do and to many people to touch. Once the surgery is over and you and rested, YOU WILL BE READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD AND SOAR EVEN HIGHER! WATCH OUT WORLD SHE'S BACK! Dr. Venus is making an impact in womens lives like never before. I am praying, dancing and singing for your speedy miraculous healing! The lives you are going to touch and change after this little bump in the road is going to be so amazing! L♡ve and Blessings!
    Reply
  12. Tia

    Dr. Venus, I trust that you will get other opinions up to and including natural remedies. Mine shrunk as a result of natural way. I have listened read from you for a little while now. You have love here in Georgia. One of the things on my 'to do' list is to see you in your element in person. Giving strength and love being open and honest. I support you. I support your rage, anger, your real and raw series as you deal with yourself out loud and and quietly. God understands, God heals, God delivers. Scream cry cuss let it out let it go. Peace my big Sis..
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Tia, I love you too. Thanks for confirming my experience. It helps me not feel crazy. I am dealing with myself out loud and privately. I appreciate your sensitivity... Sincerely, vor
      Reply
  13. Rona Durham

    My Love Dr Vevus hold on to your faith and promise. I felt the same way when this happened to me my hysterectomy came as a shock fibroids found in October 2013 by my lifelong OBGYN, grew so massively by March of 2014 my Obgyn questioned me at a return sick visit. Rona!!! What the hell is going on here? Off to an oncologist. I cried, cussed and cussed. One was so large it was moving around like a freaking baby I literally looked and felt pregnant in that short period of tine.. After testing, Benign but GOT TO GO. Todsy, I am a HEALED wombless WOMAN. But dammit I am still a divine BIRTHER, and so are you. YOU ARE A BIRTHER. PERIOD. NO surgery can take away the spiritual womb God has blessed you with and made so fertile. You've birthed MILLIONAIRES and will continue to do so!!! Love you!
    Reply
  14. Sandra Ingram

    Dr Venus..the stars shine brightest in the darkest night. Thank you for not hiding your light. You give so much love, hopefully, you will now receive the love in my heart in the space reserved for you. Sandra
    Reply
  15. YVONNE

    WE L OVE YOU, UNCONDITIONALLY. YOU CAN CURSE FUSS, JUST KEEP COMMUNICATING SO WE KNOW THT YOU ARE OKAY.
    Reply
  16. Catherine Wright

    never give up your life has been amazing I was given hope for myself because of you God Bless ❤️
    Reply

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