About a year ago, I prayed:

“God, please get whatever is in my way OUT of the way, so I can truly fulfill my destiny.”

I never thought it would be my marriage.

I never imagined it could be my body.

I NEVER dreamed I’d have to embrace my self-hate.

Let me start over.

Actually, let me start at the beginning—the very beginning.

My conception.

“Thus saith the Lord, thy redeemer, and He that formed thee from the womb, I am the Lord that maketh all things …”

So God gave me to Momma and Daddy.

Momma loved daddy.

Daddy used momma.

Momma became pregnant.

Daddy was proud.

Momma scheduled an abortion.

Daddy threatened momma’s life if she killed me.

Momma went to jail for daddy.

Daddy had a warrant, so he couldn’t come around.

Momma’s love for daddy turned to hate.

Daddy waited for momma’s release.

Momma got out of jail, because I was in her belly.

Daddy came to the hospital—so proud.
Momma said he will NEVER see his daughter.

Daddy tried to reason.

Momma picked up the phone to call in the warrant.

Daddy left.

Daddy left.

Daddy left.

Momma became a sadist—in the name of love.

“I should have flushed you down the toilet when I had the chance,” momma hurled on the regular.

“You ain’t sh$t. Just like your father.”

“You ugly, stupid, and dumb. You should never have been born.”

“I hate you. You make me sick. I can’t stand you. Get the fuck out my sight! You stupid b#tch. Ugly whore. You are good for NOTHING.”

“I dare you to cry! If I see one tear, I’ll beat the sh%t out of you! Go ahead and try me! Cry, b#tch, cry. I dare you.”

“Get on your knees. Apologize, b#tch, for making me hit you. You brought it on your d*mn self.”

“Take off your clothes. Sit in the tub. Turn the hot water on. I don’t want to hear SH%T from you!”

“You are a piece of sh*t. Always have been, always will be.”

“Who the HELL do you think you are??? Give me your money—I’ve been takin care of you all this time; you need to help out around here!”

“Momma loves you,” (wearing a saccharine-sweet smile barely masking malicious intent). “You need to pay the light bill if you want to stay here. At least you are good for something. You need to pay the phone bill next week or get the f$ck out!”

I have known my entire life I should never have been born. I was trained to believe that from the first breath I drew. I was breech, and it was my fault.

That wound—knowing I never should have been born—has haunted me my whole life. It caused me to focus on finding ways to be useful. Paying bills, tending to people who say they love me, self-sacrificing and acquiescing … all so I didn’t get aborted, kicked out, or turned out.

So when I prayed to God about my destiny, EVERY structure, relationship, ideal, belief, and stronghold came tumbling down …

… until all that was left was me.

With all the love my heart can hold…
Dr. Venus

44 Responses to “The Raw & Real Series: Dragon Tattoo Part 1”

Comments List

  1. Brandi

    Your mom sounds a lot like mine. It's good to know that I'm not alone in healing this type of trauma. Seeing where you are now gives me hope not to give up.
    Reply
  2. Lindberg Chambliss.Sr

    Thanks again for sharing your story abd transparency. You being able to talk about and divulge some dark upbringing is monumental/healing If, I may say , that you have been through hell and back several times. Now our journey continue ongoing with the scars and all. Lastly, if you need my ears or would care to hear my story of my life processes , so you will know that I identify with pain, processes and therapeutic help on this journey of life, I'm here. One day, one step at a time warrior !
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Lindberg, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generous offer. You are amazing. My support system is in place for now. If something changes, I will reach for you. Thanks again. vor
      Reply
  3. <a href='https://www.youtube.com/user/IndigoWisdom1' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Danielle</a>

    Thank you. Can’t wait to read part 2!
    Reply
  4. <a href='http://www.ashestogladness.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Daria Willis</a>

    Wow! You have been through so much! Sending you all the love and Prayers I can muster! You are so wonderful, so special, and have changed millions of lives. Thank you for surviving!😍❤️😍😇🙏🏾
    Reply
  5. Symbol Nwolise

    Oh, My GOD. This made me cry. I'm sad for you. And sad for me cuz I see myself in you. I want to hug you & pour my love into you. Continue to stay strong. Love Always:)
    Reply
  6. <a href='http://glendathomasspeaker.wordpress.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Glenda</a>

    VOR “...all that was left was me “ Me: sounds like the PERFECT STARTING PLACE
    Reply
  7. <a href='http://www.charlotteferrell.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Charlotte Sista C Ferrell</a>

    You certainly pulled the cord and let it rip. It is a level of transparency most women, especially teachers, coaches or mentors are squeezed, molded and capped off to not share. It will be interesting to learn how you transitioned from that state to where you are now.
    Reply
  8. <a href='http://50plusshadesofus.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Kimberly Richardson</a>

    Dr. V, WOW!!! You have unleashed the Dragon! It pierced my soul with a fiery cinch! Another Million$$$ Seller in the making...go forth and reclaim your Power...High Priestess of the Human Heart!!!🙌🏾❤🙏🏽
    Reply
  9. Leslie

    "It caused me to focus on finding ways to be useful. Paying bills, tending to people who say they love me, self-sacrificing and acquiescing … all so I didn’t get aborted, kicked out, or turned out." Wow Just wow. I want to say something profound but all I have is wow. Sending you lots of love, ~Leslie
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thank you Leslie. You don't have to say anything profound. In fact, you just did. :-) I love you sis. vor
      Reply
  10. Josie

    Thank you for showing me its OK to pull the cord & just focus on being the best me I can be. No more self -sacrificing. Josie
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Good for you Josie. I am proud of you. #soproud #youmatter #youareworthsomuchmorethankyouhaveeverbeentaughttobelieve vor
      Reply
  11. Angela

    And just when you think that you had it tough; but rejection, exploitation and abuses take many forms. Thank God we are reselient and overcomers. You are a wonder! Can we all learn how to use your wisdom, or are you just a natural phenomenon? I really relate to you - not the childhood stuff, but the will to win!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Angela, Why am I crying right now? Odd. I think I am moved by your empathy and compassion. ItIt took EVERYTHING to stay alive and people don't get that. They have NO respect for the 10s and thousands of HOURS over 30 years to not cut my own fuckin' wrist. Thanks for hearing the background and for honoring my walk. And yes, you can learn how to use my wisdom. I love you. vor
      Reply
  12. Kim Willis

    Wow. I'm sitting here saying WOW. To go through that and still stand tall. Amazing. I'm crying tears for your pain but mostly tears of joy because I am so happy for you and so proud of the strong, phenomenal, and powerful woman that you are. A true example to women everywhere. I strive everyday to be that example to others. Thank you for being that example to me. You really are phenomenal. You really are powerful. GOD bless.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Kim, Thank you for this beautiful love note. I feel your love and I am so very very grateful for your presence in my life. Sincerely, vor
      Reply
  13. Tasha

    What a testimony. Thank you for sharing your story, which helps to heal so many. So grateful that God is the author of our stories. Blessings.
    Reply
  14. Karen Saturday

    With all of that, to still be able to stand, to achieve all you have, to pour into people--Dr. V, you are an extraordinary miracle, and I am proud to know you. I praise God for you, and every woman that has to overcome, but keeps on working to get to the next level. Praying for you! KR Saturday
    Reply
  15. <a href='http://b-protector.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Beverly Jones</a>

    Hi Dr. V... I acknowledge your pain...and all your grace and generosity to humbly share your heart ♥️ with us at such a time as this. God is using you as one of his chosen role models. Like Jesus went beyond the veil you have entered and are behind the veil into God’s Holy of Holies. This is where the Ark of Covenant set, the symbol of the divine presence of Almighty God. The Bible says, in 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” You prayed and God is answering, and you are humble in spirit and now you are open to shake the foundation of the earth. With each step you take it is labor intensive spiritually. You’ve got this and God got you. To God be the glory and may you continue on to see what the end shall be! God bless you my sister and may heavenly healing come upon you!
    Reply
  16. Pamela Kennebrew

    Your authenticity is so liberating. It helped me understand my need to be the best and appear useful. Defy the Impossible isn't a corporate catch phrase. It is your life as well as that for many of us. My mama and daddy experience may have been different, but the results were the same. Thank you for being you.
    Reply
  17. Nedra D Cheatham

    Hey Dr. Venus, I can relate to this because it's so sad that the past makes it difficult to trust people. I found it hard when the very people who were to love and protect me were the ones who were hurting me. This is such a deep scar to heal but hearing your story lets me know that anything is possible. Thank you for being completely naked with the truth! Much love and prayers for all who are moving forward from the scars of the past.
    Reply
  18. Tomika Hairston

    Dr. Venus, You have gone through so much; you are a warrior! Your story gives no one an excuse not to succeed. Continue to share and and help others and never let your light go dim! Blessings!
    Reply
  19. Cayme

    All that was left... was/is all that was needed to begin with. YOU (perfectly imperfect) ARE ENOUGH!! I pray you are allowing that to melt into the fiber of your being. You were 🔥 before, this new path you’re on is only going to propel you higher. I see you & I honor your life. You absolutely were supposed to be born!!
    Reply
  20. Shirley Connor

    YOU.....are my shero!!! You are REAL, RAW, and RELIABLE...because you always bring the unadulterated TRUTH!!! ...Thank you...Thank you...THANK YOU!!!....for speaking truth to POWER!
    Reply
  21. Roxann Bascom

    Dr VOR wow, mean, cruel mamas is def a universal thing. What you have been told def did not change your anointing. You were destined for greatness at all cost. You have endured a lot and although you persevered regardless, I feel your need to shed, to lighten your spirit and just float. It’s a one day at a time process with each step counted. Heavy conversation with God is my thing either verbal or written. So sorry you were somewhere at some point going through so much but happy to have made your acquaintance and feeling so inspired by your ability to do, be. I see you heal, whole and well soon, hysterectomy remnants and all. I’m still hoping for the science of ovaries implants, my name will be on the top of the list. Breath and let go until you feel the urge to holla and preach again🙏🏾♥️💐Oh and you’re def a great writer♥️
    Reply
  22. Areatha

    A strong woman is a woman in whose head a voice is repeating, I told you so, ugly, bad girl, bitch, nag, shrill, witch, ballbuster, nobody will ever love you back, why aren't you feminine?, why aren't you soft?, why aren't you quiet?, why aren't you dead? And still, she rises and gains strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which she stops to look fear in the face. A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not to be done with that said: "You define your own life and do not let another write your script". Lets the ones who have hurt us live with that guilt because we are the head and not the tail. Pat yourself on the back that you made it through, stop dwelling in the past you've made it through the storm and need to prepare for what's to come. #justsayin. A strong woman is a woman bleeding inside. A strong woman is a woman who craves love like oxygen. Therefore love thyself for no one else will and make it known "I will not remain broken". There is power in the word "ask and it shall be done". Stop carrying this burden and ask for their forgiveness so maybe you can get past this #with all the love your heart can hold #uani'thaonlyone #justsayin
    Reply

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