The emergency hysterectomy is over.

Just like that … they took my uterus out.

Gone.

#f$ckyoufibroids

My body is healing pretty—thank you Jesus. #godisfaithful

Really, though, it’s not the healing of the incisions that’s the challenge. Almost all the stitches are on the inside. There are only three on the outside: one in my belly button and one on each side of my belly. One of those two is in near the mouth of my dragon tattoo. I don’t like it. I might turn it into a flame. (#hope)

It’s everything else.

It’s the time the healing requires. My organs have to “re-organize,” now. The three (benign) tumors pushed them all out of whack and were wreaking havoc on my kidneys. All of that has to readjust.

I am tired, but I can’t sleep.

I can’t do much of anything, yet I am winded.

I can’t seem to breathe right.

And my hormones have lost their mind! I am moody as f!ck. I can be happy, sad, remorseful, despondent, angry all in three seconds.

I am not even-tempered.

It’s like there is this box in front of me, filled with all these little pieces …

Inside it is my divorce. My body that said, “F@ck you, b#tch. Die.” All my daddy wounds. My dyslexia. My high-functioning Autism. My anxiety. The letter from my therapist letting me know I’m actually “legally handicapped,” due to the PTSD from my past.

And I’ve kept it all wrapped up in pretty paper.

I’ve done a lot to protect people from my edge. From the street in me.

Fck it.

I won’t do it anymore.

I can’t deal right now. I have no patience.

With anything or anybody.

It has to be that way, right now.

Because … I break.

I just break.

So please be advised: I give no f%cks right now. I am going dark. #spidermaninblack
If you need me to be caring/nice/polite/kind/understanding/self-sacrificial /thoughtful/Christian/Godly/measured/fair/balanced/about you/soft/considerate …
Leave now. #itsforyourownprotection

If you are easily offended, please go now.

I am giving myself permission to be my whole self—street urchin to the fullest extent. #realandraw

So just go away.

I don’t have the energy nor the wherewithal to protect/take care of you and me at the same time. Up until now, I have concentrated on everyone … except me.

I now have to choose where I concentrate my energy.

And I choose me.

Venus Opal

55 Responses to “The Raw & Real Series: All the Little Pieces”

Comments List

  1. Shelia Z.

    Self Care is a must. Your story resonates so deeply & I too am going inward to care for self, cause my box contains several similar pieces. Wishing you a thorough & complete healing. Namaste
    Reply
  2. <a href='http://www.belindawisebey.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Belinda</a>

    I celebrate you in choosing yourself and pray for speedy healing and recovery! #fibroidssuck
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Belinda, Thanks for understanding and letting know you understand. It takes the pressure off of feeling if I'm not useful, you and the rest of my tribe will leave me... I appreciate you for saying this... vor
      Reply
  3. <a href='http://proconsult26.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Sondra Y Hill-Ward</a>

    Fibroids do suck! Hand one big as a grapefruit. Took everything with it. I'm in the medical field so I knew what could be. What I did not know was that on top of that, I had Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Thank God for divine connections and a nutritionist and MD who know their shit. Wholeness does come in time. Stay true to you. know your triggers, it saves a lot of personal grief Love and Light
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Sondra, Thanks for empathizing. And I hear you about knowing my triggers. I am glad you had the support that made a tangible difference. It is very encouraging... vor
      Reply
  4. Maggie Voelker

    Dear Venus, I'm so glad your surgery is over. I hear your hurt, your pain, your anger & your frustration. I empathize! You will come through this awful time. You will discover how much God loves you! I hope you will find great comfort in listening to: Rethinking your life: Changing how I (You) think about pain. https://saddleback.com/visit/locations/onlinecampus?autoplay=true To heal well you must fill to overflowing with God's love for you: His Word, His wisdom, His worship music, & His comfort. It's all infinitely yours through God's Holy Spirit. Give Him all your anger, pain & hurt so that you can be healed and then help others who are hurting to be healed as well. God created you in love to be loved and to love others. Rest in God's love & heal well! Loving you! https://saddleback.com/visit/locations/onlinecampus?autoplay=true
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Maggie, Thank you deeply for taking the time to read, respond and share this resource. I will check it out. I love you and thank you for caring about me and speaking God's love. Sincerely, vor
      Reply
  5. Tamara Williams Van Horn

    Sometimes The Experience, takes us there. And in the dark of the wood, we meet ourselves. May the healing be instructive, and rapidly approaching painless.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thanks Tamara. I appreciate your wisdom about the wilderness. I never thought of it that way but it feels spot on. I appreciate you for caring... vor
      Reply
  6. <a href='http://www.holistichealthalert.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Gwen Carter</a>

    Rosemary Essential Oil is really theruputic for what you are feeling! Bay Laurel essential oil too! And Sweet rose tea will help your disposition! And Sis get some milk thistle and clean your liver the anger will vanish!! Do a Spirulina head mask and it will relieve your brain from the intense negative thinking. BE WELL NOW! Eat your berries and large amounts of Spirulina in your juice will make you feel brand new! Because You are a brand new you! So receive yourself you are Whole! COACH GWEN CARES
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thank you COACH GWEN for caring. You are very generous. I appreciate you deeply. Thank you for caring about me... vor
      Reply
  7. Michelle Pillow

    Ok, first of all, do you have someone there helping and taking care of you? If not I want you to know that someone from your sister tribe is willing to come. I’d have to bring my daughter and my brand new grandson, but we willing to come. Second, it’s cool! It’s ok to just be yourself! Take care of you! Just you! The most significant person in your life now and always is YOU! Always has been, always will be! Remember, put the oxygen mask on yourself first! Third, we just darn love you girl! You don’t have to be perfect! None of us are! Real love just loves! It love you when you good, when you not good, when you up, when you down etc., Love just loves! We love you!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      #tears Thank you so very much for offering to come and care for me while I heal. You are amazing! Nanna is taking care of me, so I am covered. But I love you for being willing--even if you had to bring the baby! And thank you for letting me know you/we love me. The way you said it made me feel accepted. I don't know why that makes me want to cry but it does. I thank you... vor
      Reply
  8. Jules

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/when-the-saints-go-to-worship/308293458?i=308293463 One of my favorite when I was going thru. Thank you Lord your mercy is true. We thank you for your servent leader successful surgery. We pray for stealness and comfort In her mine and body while she heals, Physically and mentally. We love you , get well soon.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Jules, Thank you so very much for this song and this prayer. Both are deeply appreciated. I love you too. vor
      Reply
  9. <a href='http://www.coachzeldahayes.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Dr.Zelda Hayes</a>

    Light and love to you my sister. I'd like to share what worked for me when I had 6fibroids expelled from my body. Find yourself a just place . No phone no interruption s Pull up a video with at least 721 hrs frequency I suggest this one. https://youtu.be/j9Mzyf_B8rQ So it twice a week and embrace what healing looks like, feels like. When your listening place yourself in a green pasture. Picture yourself looking at yourself, hold yourself ,embrace yourself and allow the feeling of freedom to reign When the audio is over, breath deep exhaling with mouth open 3 times. Declare healing is already done And with an attitude of gratitude allow yourself to be free. I love you. Dr.ZELDA Hayea
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Beautiful. This is truly stunning. Thank you so very much for this visualization and affirmation. Dr. ZELDA you are such a gift to the planet and to my life. I love you. vor
      Reply
  10. Dr Varil Williams

    Dr. Venus first of all breathe! Chill! And take this time to refresh rejuvenate and restore YOU! You are not going to believe this, right now I am sitting in the car with tears flowing down my eyes. I absolutely feel like the most miserable person in all the world. When I say nothing is going right for me right now, I mean nothing..... my personal life my business my finances my marriage a place I have never seen before at extent.! Hurry up and get well we have to kick @#$%#. And the more I want to do for people nothing is coming together right now. Everybody need $$$$$. Ok! Ok! It's all about you right now. The fact that you allow us to reply, in the time of need [ sing me your lowest point life right now] says a lot, that you care deeply about your tribe. I want you to know first of all I am going to pray for you right now at this moment! Our father in the name of Jesus heal my sister right now. Bind her mind to your mind let her thoughts be your thoughts and that hurt Behavior exemplify you. Feel her room with your presence; in Lord I pray for perfect peace in Jesus mighty name amen. Dr. Venus let's have a girls night out when you're well and let's aim, focus and shoot all the way to the top in all our endeavors! Love you much cannot wait to hear back from you soon❤❤❤🎉🎁🍨🍦🌸👑💥👍 you've got this!!!!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thank you, Dr. Williams, for praying for me. It is a beautiful prayer and I thank you for it. You are a treasure. I love you. vor
      Reply
  11. Varil Deloise Williams

    Oops I'm so sorry oh, I forgot to tell you the most important thing. Image [ more like shattered glass] of broken pieces that is before you looks like everything is falling apart , but it is a new beginning for you . 1. It is simply another book; for you to talk about your Wilderness experience. It does not feel good....but God says trust the process. 2. It is God's way of telling you to leave the past behind, do not look back but look forward and keep it moving. 3. After you have refocused get ready! 4. Now Expect greatness! God is now going to restore you! And you will have a greater platform to speak to the world [ tell your story].
    Reply
  12. <a href='http://www.shopfreemart.com/livlifewise' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Tuwarna Campbell</a>

    I am glad you are feeling better and on the mend. I am natural health enthusiasts...I would suggest you take the health survey...at www.shopfreemart.com/livlifewise and let's see what's off. Let me know if you decide to take it...I believe it will help. Tuwarna
    Reply
  13. Mery

    Venus Opal, we thank you for your devoted time to help many. So you deserve time to step back, to heal and feel better. Stay encouraged... Sending you prayers and love!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thanks for understanding Mery and for acknowledging how much I have poured into others but not myself. I am taking this season for me... #iaintsorry vor
      Reply
  14. Yolanda Whitfield

    I truly get how you are feeling at this time and it’s totally ok. Dont feel bad at this time you made the BEST choice ever. We do get blind and overwhelmed with everyone else's issues and feelings that we block what we need or lack. I applaud you for sharing and allowing others to see that yoy have pain and moments as well that is what makes a great leader when we can own up that we too go through and dont have it all together sometimes. My love and prayers are with you Mrs. V. Take all the time you need this process is necessary so you can come back more strong and bolder. Love you
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Yolanda, Thank you for saying ALL of this. It is very comforting. I deeply appreciate your compassion and the validation that leaders are human too. I appreciate you confirming my choice to tend to me for real for real. It is so nice... I love you, vor
      Reply
  15. Dre Cha

    Sometime we need to sleep inorder to heal..get well and let the Dragon rest and return more fierce then you was before...always Dre Cha mute be 💥
    Reply
  16. Kyle

    Understanding your situation is something I feel like I do. Even as a man I'm serious about and focused on the conditions of our women. I know right now that your brain and cells in your body are going through a transformation and adjusting to your body being without the womb. Your are gonna be fine once everything you put in your body heals it. That means u can eat what u like here n there but for the most part wholsesome foods. Also keep stress levels low. The body balances out more smoothly when stres levels are low. Create an environment that reverses or atleast mitigates stress levels. Much love
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Wow. Kyle, you are amazing. And very consistent. I have been letting go of the people who stress. It's unnerving how many things I have been tolerating that simply do not work for me. The stress comes from trying to get people to value what I needed instead of their own comfort, convenience, or agenda. I am eating well and I am giving myself permission to eat what I crave. Italian icy, KFC, and lemonade have been in HIGH demand!LOL Thanks for being so supportive of me Kyle on multiple platforms. I want you to know I notice and have a profound appreciation for you speaking up and letting me know I am not alone in this. Sincerely, vor #themenwholoveus
      Reply
  17. Karen B

    Sometimes we have to shut down completely to rebuild our true an authentic self! You take all the time you need to be the best version of You! Thanks for your wisdom and guidance. When we feel we are down to nothing, Godbus up to something🙏🏽.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Karen, I love you for your compassion. It moves me. And I can only imagine what God is up to. LOL! I am sure it is something beyond anything I could think to ask for ... I appreciate your love, sis. Thank you. vor
      Reply
  18. YVONNE BROWN

    WE LOVE YOU , IT IS NOT ABOUT US RIGHT NOW . IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU OUR LOYALTY IS REAL. LET IT OUT , AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TALKING WE ARE OKAY. IF YOU EVER STOP TALKING WE WILL GET WORRIED. BE ANGRY , BE SAD, BE GLAD , JUST DONT STOP TALKING . LOVE YA ALWAYS. DONT FORGET KEEP TALKING .
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thanks for saying this Yvonne. I will continue to stay in communication. Thanks for letting me know my tribe will not leave me because I have to focus on me. It is very comforting... vor
      Reply
  19. Rona Durham

    VENUUUUUUUUS I LOVE YOU! I run a Healing Series and Coaching program called Excising The Deep Tissue Issues and this righht here is what it is about!! Yessssss cutting to the root to get to restoration. Our REAL selves are what we must connect with to get rid of the toxic waste we carry around emotionally, spirritually and physically. If it be lowdown dirty and grimy for a bit LET IT BE. That's ok because after, we have something to reach for again in due season. We hold on to cute, prim and proper at the demise of ourselves. We become distorted and disfogured trying to rake care of everyone else. i applauded you for being REAL & RAW. Its about Healing to and toward YOURSELF. Saying it again my Love, YOUR SURGERY WAS so much bigger than them damn fibroids and tumors. I LOOOOOOVE YOU.
    Reply
  20. Barbara Hall

    YOu have been very muich in my thoughts...in my prayers. Giving God thanks for His faithfulness (Iv;e been there). As always even in tough times you keep your humor and make us smlle. Know that you are thought of and loved. BJ in Florida
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Thanks, BJ! I appreciate you taking the time to read my words and respond so lovingly. I am touched. With deep appreciation, vor
      Reply
  21. Symbol Nwolise

    Dr. Venus, 1st off, I wanna wish you a timely recovery. Today I thought of you as I begin my own sort of self-care & I remembered how much you're going through. Reading your post made me cry. I feel for you. I ache for you. And I ache for my daughters. As my mentor, I pray for you to heal. Not just physically, but spiritually & mentally, as well. I know it'll be a lifelong journey but I see bits of myself in you & I'm here with you, in spirit. Perhaps, one day, I can meet you, possibly, when I visit family back home in Bmore. Just know that you've got me on your side, fighting this battle with you. Love & Blessings, sincerely, Symbol.
    Reply
  22. Vangile

    Thank you for your honesty. And it really is okay to just do you and say F it to everyone. You give more than enough through your work.
    Reply

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