What would it take for you to believe you again? I don’t mean ‘believe in’ you; I mean to believe in you like you could take what you say to yourself to the bank and the money would be there. And I don’t, mean hope. I mean a deep knowing like you know “the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West” kind of knowing. Like knowing you are a man or knowing you are a woman–you don’t have to believe that. You know. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to keep promises to other people but not to ourselves? Why is it so much easier to stay late, or get up early, or pay a bill before we will save than to put ourselves first?
I have been noodling on this and I think I know why.
We don’t believe ourselves any more. If you think about how many times you have been disappointed with life when you gave it your all, you can identify the exact places where you stopped believing you. A little bit here. A little there. You, if you are anything like me, systematically backed-off giving life, and by extension yourself, fully to your dreams because you stopped believing, on some level, that you could really have what you want. You could have something, some version of what you want but not what you really dreamed. I used to want to be on Broadway; I ended up off-Broadway. The physical locations are literally just around the corner, but for me, it feels like a failure. And while to the world it looks like a major accomplishment, all I can see is that it’s not Broadway. Do you have any evidence against yourself like that too?
So I don’t believe me when I say, “I will have a multi-million dollar company within 18 months that is fulfilling and transforms life on the planet.” Because all I can see is all the times I haven’t made the mark. Make sense? So we don’t believe ourselves on a core level. Some things, yes. For example, I do believe and know that God will provide for my needs. I have countless bits of evidence for this knowing since childhood. But having a multi-million dollar company is not a need like water, air, and basic shelter. So I believe—up to a limit. After that limit, I begin to hedge my bets. I have gotten to the place where I won’t hold God to account for keeping Her word to answer my prayers and give me what I want because I don’t want to get pissed with God and make Her wrong. So I only pray for what I can see to do and ask for guidance. And if I do get my courage up to ask God for something, it is a prayer of hope, not of knowing or belief. So I end it with a backdoor for God by saying, “Let your will be done.” It’s my coward’s way out. My point here is this: in order to really fulfill our destiny, we must believe ourselves. We must know in our heart of hearts that we are more than a match for the mountain. Here are some Strategic Visioning Strategies that are helping me move from “hope” through belief to knowing:
1. Tell the truth:
When Nanna is in town and she is a safe space for me to really be butt-nakedly honest about my real feelings about investing more money into more courses to build a system to have a long-term thriving business. It works to do this work with another human being who loves you and relates to you bigger than yourself. The person you choose has to be honest with you and compassionate. Pick wisely. You are tender right now. Don’t choose someone who is a doubter of you at any level. You may have to talk it out and write it down to get to the real truth about your lack of belief with you.
2. Take an action that you would never take just because you said so:
This is a game changer. The last time I wrote, I shared I would travel back to Baltimore to support Momma, my birth mother, during her back surgery. If you recall, she did her thing by writing a letter and calling telling me not to come and all sorts of hurtful accusations. The hurt told me not to go; my heart’s commitment to knowing myself as someone who keeps her promises to herself had me get on the plane. The result: Momma thank me for coming, allowed me to dress her wounds, and invite me and my partner back for Christmas dinner. Now here is the real victory. While there I ended up letting friends support me and we created a business model for my work that is completely marketable! It is something I would never have come up with on my own. What is more, I had a great time being with my birth family especially my brilliant and beautiful baby sister and her family. Lastly, I am proud of me. I did not let Momma’s upset steal my power. I know myself, in a lived way, as some who keeps her promises to herself, even while being attacked and accused. In a strange sort of way, by going and being of service with no demand and no request, I stood up to Momma. One could say it took me 25 years to stand up to Momma and love her through it.
3. Invest in you:
Put some money into you! It sounds crazy but the more you cut corners on yourself, the less your subconscious mind thinks you are worth. I am not kidding. Locate something that is really going to forward your dreams and help you get where you are going. It could be a new suit. It could be a singing class. It could be a laptop. You have to do something to create new brain patterns of recognition for yourself in relationship to yourself so you start to believe you again.
4. Make a new friend who know stuff that you don’t and take their advise:
I have a fabulous new friend, we will call Stacey, she is brilliant and passionate about me fulfilling my destiny. Her belief in me is contagious. When I have new victory based on something we discussed, about marketing (which is her expertise) I call her to celebrate! There’s nothing like having compassionate believing mirrors around to help you believe that you matter.
It is going to sound crazy but tithing actually shades light on where your heart is closed. It shows where you don’t believe, trust or have faith in God–and yourself. I am reading this book, The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, by Edwene Gaines. It’s a great read about the importance of tithing to demonstrate to God that you trust Her as your provider. I will take it further. When you tithe you are trusting yourself too. You are trusting your judgement. You are trusting your ability to do what you need to do to have your life work. And you are trusting that you are capable and able to learn what you will have to learn to keep moving forward as you expand and grow financially, emotionally, and spiritually. By tithing, you heal your heart by choosing who to give to and knowing yourself as abundant because you gave. It is a wonderful prosperous feeling!
In order to believe you, to really know that you are more than a match for any mountain begins with restoring your word with yourself. You have to matter to you enough to go back and look at what you need to do to make things right with you on the inside. Do you need to make a doctor’s appointment? Or apologize to someone? Or get up early and go for a walk each morning? You have to matter to you as much as your children or your wife or your mother matters to you. You matter to me. I love you and I believe you. I know you are worth it. I know you are a miracle.
Do what you have to do to know that you know that you know you are a miracle.