Right now, I am terrified.
I am sitting in a hotel room in San Diego, CA. In just a few hours I will be chatting it up with the most finacially exclusive group I have ever been affiliated with. All I can see are my inadequacies. Right when I stepped off of the plane, I listened to a voice mail from a bogus collection office about artwork I never asked for. I immediately called my lawyer, spoke with the manager, and sent an email about the confusion–and the upset–but it left me rattled. My cluttered-self, “Worthless Wanda” came out of the shadows and started whispering in my ear…
Wanda: You know, you should not be here.
Me: Shut-up Wanda.
Wanda: I mean, look at this call. It must be a sign that you are a bad business woman and should just be a teacher.
Me: Wanda, not now, ok…
Wanda: You need help. Call someone who will talk some sense into you. Call one of your practical friends or family members who know that you just want too much from life. Really Venus? It takes 1k to roll with these people and you are still paying back student loans. You can’t even get a bogus claim handled. And when it came up, what did you do? You panic, ate apple cobbler and ice cream, and cried. Now really dear, does that sound like a multimillion dollar business owner?
Me: I see your point. Perhaps you are right. I don’t belong here…
So I go to my room, my tail between my legs, my hopes dashed. I feel like such a loser. Why can’t I get anything right? And why did the call have to happen today of all days! Sometimes I feel like the devil is trying to kill me!!! Do you ever feel like this? You are not alone. One of my former clients went to bed one night and woke up the next morning with his face spashed all over the paper about financial impropriety–that was not true but he still had to deal with it both externally and internally.
So how do you combat the negativity blues? Here are the some tried and true Street Smarts Strategic Visioning steps to garner the courage to stay in the game:
1. Make Yourself Right to You: Listen to my identity tell it, I suck. But if I take the time to list all the things that I am doing right, Worthless Wanda doesn’t have a leg to stand on. The fact that I was invited to this event 12 days ago and I got here as well as worked out all that I had to be here says that I am an extraordinary resourceful and committed business person. Make a list of all the things you are doing that are right to you about what you are feeling blue and bask in your own glory.
2. Locate Innocence: This is really challenging when you are mad. But that is when it is most beneficial. For example, I can rest safely in the knowledge that the call form the collections agency was not perfectly timed for this day at this hour to make me doubt myself. Who knows, it may have been a misunderstanding and I jumped to the worst case scenario. I am locating the agency’s innocence. I also realize that I am really wanting to do great here because I am committed to having my life serve others. So of course I am going to be prickly: I have a lot at stake. This at stake-ness simply means I care. Now I am locating my own innocence. I can can feel my chest relaxing and a grace running through my veins. Locating innocence is the fastest way to peace.
3. Listen to a Song that makes you feel Understood: I am practicing turning to myself to sooth myself. Besides prayer, and meditation (which I cannot do sometimes because my mind is racing) I put on a song that let’s me cry. Today it was “Never Give Up” by Yolanda Adams off of her BELIEVE cd. This sound so encouraged me to be ok with where I am and to know that I have something to give the world. I encourage you to locate your song and keep it near when you want to quit.
4. Live Generously: In the midst of all of this, I received a call from a graduate student of mine who had got 3 rejection letters in the mail today for Ph.D. school. She called and hung up without leaving a message. I called her back and she was crying. As I listened to her, I realized that my worries about collection agencies, rich white people, and making it were nothing compared to the worry and fear of a young girl reaching out, lost. I sat on the phone with her and talked it through until she could see that the rejection letters were not a reflection of her nor a rejection of her brilliance. Who could you give to today that would make your worries and problems seem silly and trite?
I thank God for my life and the opportunity to share my process with you. Here is a poem I am now carrying with me as I take one step closer to serving the world as my livelihood instead of as my an act of service. It is simple and I do not know the author but every time you think about giving up on you please remember these words:
Behind every success
Behind every effort
Behind every passion
with the courage
Street Smarts Strategic Visioning tools are all about giving you the courage to try and try again and try one more time when you want to give you on you.
Please, keep trying. The world needs you.
I need you.
We need each other.
With all the love my heart can hold…