In my last post, I talked about how I trapped the momma in me in a box, so she could never hurt anyone the way I was hurt.  

What I didn’t tell you is that I wrapped that box in chains and buried it at the bottom of the sea.

Where no one would find her …

Where she couldn’t hurt anyone.

I never expected anyone to let her out.

But now that she’s free, I am forced to think about her.

And when I think about her, I think about my parents.

If Daddy had stayed, how might my life be different now?

If Momma hadn’t hurt me, how might my life be different now?

Now hear me—I don’t blame either of them, for anything.

They’ll never know the impact of their actions on my life. It’s not theirs to carry. That’s between me and God.

I know Momma didn’t mean to do the things she did to me. I know she wasn’t well. And when you know someone isn’t well, how can you possibly hold her to the same standard as someone who is?

Do you see what I’m saying?

It wouldn’t be fair. It would be like being mad at a kleptomaniac for stealing.

So I don’t begrudge Momma. I don’t begrudge her wounds. I don’t begrudge her walk. I don’t.

It’s taken me 30 years to understand her as a human being … as a woman … and as a mom.

Same goes for my father. I never met him. I don’t know him. I don’t know exactly why he left, but I don’t need to.

He stood for my life before I was born. So he loved me.

I feel like God gave me the mother and father He did to make me exactly who I am. So, I don’t hold it heavy with my parents.

I have compassion for my Momma, because I know that life turned her into who she is. She didn’t come out the womb the Momma she is. Life turned her into that, and she didn’t have a Nanna to save her.

Our parents didn’t have what we have, yet we want to hold them to some sh#t. They didn’t have Dr. Phil; they didn’t have Oprah. They didn’t have none of that. They didn’t have self-help, or YouTube, or Facebook, or inspirational quotes. They didn’t have none of that. They had whips and dogs and water hoses.

So I cut them some slack. Consciously.

I’ll never know how my life might be different, if my parents had been different. And that’s okay.

I’ll never know what it’s like to carry life in my body, either.

#realtalk:

There’s a part of me now that just doesn’t care. About anything. Anymore.

I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not “upset,” really.

It’s more like despondence or apathy.

Maybe it’s because I come from hustlers—from the street. And we are not regular.

No, we are not regular.

All I know for sure in this moment is that I don’t want anything.

And because of that, there is nothing.

At least for now.

 

Venus Opal

 

27 Responses to “The Raw & Real Series:Nothing”

Comments List

  1. Carolyn W Crisp

    I love this. Such power. Such freedom. If we all could get this this point....we would be unstoppable! Thank you for sharing. -CarolynC
    Reply
  2. yolanda terry

    Regular People do “regular”...Would Things have turned out differently if my mother was not who she was? Absolutely- the good and the bad. I thank God for the “bussing” system... it was the beginning of my journey out of the hood. That time...her hellraising paid off.
    Reply
  3. <a href='http://www.faisonconsulting.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Tomeico Faison</a>

    Venus, thank you for sharing. God is truly using you. There are so many woman who have struggled with these same issues--including me! Very grateful to hear your story and to see your amazing success. Your story reminds me of a poem I wrote, I pasted it below. God's Love is Powerful Mediocrity should not be in our vocabulary because we are all made to be extraordinary Wonderfully and fearfully made We can ride the tidal wade Of every storm that tries to shake Our foundation which will not break If it is on a solid rock that we stand We will watch others on sinking sand Who will wonder how we can take the heat As we trample on serpents beneath our feet How can she be so confident? They'll often ask Shaking their heads and remembering our past But, we can respond, The answer is quite simple--I am not relying just on what you see But it is the POWER of God that resides deep with in me! Blessings and keep sharing your story!
    Reply
  4. Kyle

    Interesting. I want to say that what you said here is reflective of a good number of women and men's childhoods of our ethnicity. You articulate your experience to a point where others who have experienced similar paths can realise that they can be understood and related to. Again this is an interesting, pleasing and enligtening post I think will make readers aware of how we can use our thoughts to think maturely instead of playing eternal victim through you expressing your edification of thoughts about people in your life experience, not blaming them even though you were hurt but taking control of yourself evaluating their situation and using forgiveness and grace. Keep posting much as you want. This is wonderful thanks for sharing
    Reply
  5. Carol

    We can do all things with Christ. He's our strength. I'm including myself. I couldn't make it without His daily help. Be encouraged. God and you have this!!!!!!!!!
    Reply
  6. Terlisky Stanford

    Dr. V I can relate to the locking up and chaining in addition to casting away a certain part of yourself. My mom, grandmother and aunts had this very dominating woman about them that came in took over and as I saw it shut everything down. This type of woman I did not want to be at least not to that degree. As I have reached my mid 50s I see I must go and retrieve her and welcome her because she is apart of who Iam and very well needed to help me navigate through this life's journey. I must learn how to use that part of me which is so powerful in away that is most beneficial to me and walking in my destiny.
    Reply
  7. Tonia Manuel

    I hear you! You are clearly vocalist. Your testimonies are vital for self- healing and I admire your ability to be bold and courageous to share. Just know you are loved and your are blessing someone with every word.💚💜💙🙏😍💯
    Reply
  8. <a href='http://wwe.gr8ful.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Michelle</a>

    This is yet another POWERFUL piece! You truly have a gift for giving voice to the hurt and wounded places in all of us. You are truly a fire/breathing dragon of truth!! #holla
    Reply
  9. kathy jones

    Dr. Venus, I love your truth and to be honest this is a lot of our truth. This is a surgical cleaning happening to you and your followers. We need to let go and let God. I pray for you everyday. I see a movie in the making. So excited for your next chapter beauty for ashes. God saved you for such a time as this. Street life, thug life, Hollywood life all in one. To help those who don't have a platform to see, they are not alone. Love you lady!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Kathy, Thank you for casting vision for me. I love you for this. I am thinking of getting a tattoo about beauty for ashes on my collar bone. I want to create a visual that captures the words... Thanks for walking with me. vor
      Reply
  10. <a href='http://www.thethoughtshifter.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Theresa</a>

    This is such a powerful share siSTAR! Feels like you are coming out the other side of a HUGE dark night of the soul. Many of us lightbeings are in this moment... letting go of the 3D programmes, conditioning, beliefs, traumas we have held in our physical bodies (and minds) so that we REALLY begin living FULLY from our heart centres. Tuning up that 5D frequency our souls chose to help Mother Gaia turn up the vibration of humanity as a whole. You got this. I see you. ❤️
    Reply
  11. LaToya Newson

    Your story reminds me of the life of Joseph (in Genesis). When you are great and have greatness attached to you, others don't know how to "handle" or value it...so it makes it easy to mistreat. Oftentimes those with greatness don't know how to handle themselves (real talk). But, there is purpose produced from the pain. Your transparency is saving so many. Think about this...have you ever seen an apple tree reach out and grab it's own apple when it needed nourishment? Absolutley not. The nourishment comes from the soil through the roots! The hardships of life have strengthen you in ways no other experience could have (nourishment). You have learned and are sharing with those of us that are in the middle of it (nourishment). So I want to thank you for your fruit.
    Reply
  12. April

    Dr. Venus, Your reason for opening up and sharing from your heart might have been for totally different reasons. But I know this message was for me. You have helped me in such a short&specific email to understand myself and my relationship with my mother. While I was lowkey feeling like a victim of rejection from my parents. I know can honestly say, I understand. Thanks to God using you. I can love my parents even more with a compassionate heart. No, they didn't have all of the assistance and help that we have now. We are truly Blessed. And I can see now God has Blessed me to be a Blessing to my parents with Love, compassionate heart and forgiveness. Dr.Venus, words cannot desribe how I appreciate and love you with all of my heart. I can speak for all of us woman on here, you've been such a Blessing and inspiration to us. May God continue to Bless you Richly, April Brown
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      #warmheart #moved Thank you so very very much for sharing this with me, with us. I deeply appreciate your heartfelt acknowledgement. Sincerely, vor
      Reply

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