#Realtalk: You can’t get rich if you’re being right about how you’ve been wronged—about
how it “should” or “shouldn’t” be. Your money can’t move like that. God cannot move in
an unclean temple.

The same goes for your relationships.

I’m about to get personal. Walk with me?

I’ve recently realized that I want to make space for my father.

I don’t know him. I’ve never met him. But he fought for my life before I was even born.

So if I make the space for him, maybe he’ll show up. Stranger things have happened, you know.

Maybe if I make room for him, he would like me. Maybe he would be proud of me.
Maybe he would see the best of himself in me.

I don’t know, but I AM sure that if I DON’T make room—the energetic space for him—I’ll
Never know.

So, how will I do that?

By healing.

It’s simple, really:

When you release what you think you have to hold on to, you create a space that can be filled
with something new.

Now to be clear, I’m not saying it’s easy. No.

I mean, I wonder why my dad would save me, but then leave. That’s fair, right? I question that.

But I also have a choice.

I can be mad at him for keeping me alive but leaving me. Or I can try and appreciate that I don’t know why he left.
Maybe he went away because he was embarrassed. Maybe he thought he couldn’t be the dad I deserved. Maybe he left because momma didn’t want him to see me. Maybe he got shot. Or maybe, he didn’t want me to end up living his life.

My point—I don’t know why he went away. I just don’t.

But instead of being quick to villainize him, I can love him for saving me. And I can believe that he had a reason for his choice.

I can choose to make the space for him—so if he ever decides he’s ready, I have a place for him.

I’ll say it again and again—the key to SO many things in this life (including your money!) is healing.

Comment below so we can bear witness: what space do you wish to create?

39 Responses to “Making Space”

Comments List

  1. angela

    Hi.. thanks for sharing. Prayers it will all work for good. I just reunited with my dad and one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. My best to you Dr Venus
    Reply
  2. Ngozi (Roselinde Ngozi)

    Maybe he never left you... Maybe he did not abandon you... Perhaps, he has been searching for you your entire life... I am so blessed to know that you are exploring deep healing and "making space for your father" . I encourage you, my sister release all preconceived notions... Just a snippet - my entire life I lived a lie of abandonment, rejection, betrayal... my father never left me -- my mother abandoned him and took me with him... The Moral of the story: He is NOT PRESENT and has not been present -- because its what needed to take place in your life --period. God knew your parents, the ins and outs... he knew you before the foundations of this earth -- I believe there is no explanation --- it was just a part of the PLAN... just as, the desire to reconcile him and create space to receive him, at this time, is a part of the plan... (Just my 2 cents) God loves you and I am so happy for your personal REVOLUTION!!!!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Ngozi, I love you for this. Thanks for pouring into me. I receive your love with a grateful heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Dr. Venus
      Reply
  3. <a href='http://www.desiremydreamproductions.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Juanita Graves</a>

    I totally understand what you are saying and I get it. I didn't make space for my father because he never acted like he wanted me around and showed my sister more attention because he thought I wasn't his. But, I am. However, before he passed I said "I forgive you, and I thought I did for how he treated me. I didn't allow him into my space when he was living, but I kept him in my space when he died but with ill feelings. I am not sure if that's a good thing, now that I am thinking about it. ;-/
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Juanita, We don't know other people's wounds. Holding ill feelings will impact your relationship with men--period. I encourage you to grant grace for your father's wounds. He may have been deeply hurt about something that showed up in his behaviors. Can you have mercy? It's a question I have to ask on a regular basis when I confront the damage other people's wounds have had in my life and my sense of self. It is a grace to locate another's innocence. But when I do, I get closer to God and I get my peace back. I pray this helps... Dr. Venus
      Reply
  4. Karen

    Thanks for sharing. My Dad is deceased he was murdered and not a day goes by that I don't miss his love for his children and Family, his voice, his laughter, his singing and dancing, his talks on Lessons in life. But his strength, determination and business savvy lives in me!
    Reply
  5. Valerie Thompson

    Yes! There is never enough healing. I make it a point to spend time daily to connect with self (higher power) and speak my truth about likes and dislikes. I am currently making space for a healthy relationship, God to blow my mind as it relates to being utilized in this world with my gifts and talents and finances! Thank you always Dr. V!
    Reply
  6. Life. And so it is.

    Blessings and Appreciation to you Dr.V. I became allergenic to the word "should", it has so much of other peoples perspectives intertwined and has very little of Me and where my journey is. Making space for God, for healing, and the fullfillment of purpose as you said is paramount for our lives. May this prayer help.. " I come into Divine Agreement for Divine release of any and all things mentally physically and spiritually that has gone on way to long in my
    Reply
  7. Monique

    I needed to read this today because I too am struggling with creating space for new things to come into my life that should be there. I still think and hold on to negative memories my son's father did to me with his cheating habits. I don't know if I even want to try again with him eve though he has changed his ways actively. This gives me more time to reflect and see what is causing this.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Monique, You are SO wise. Take your time to reflect. I have learned that I have to be at peace of a person's behavior DOESN'T change am I will to let them into my heart space--with no loss of power. It's a wonderful meditation. When you reflect to see if you can be at peace if he cheats again. And if you can be at peace with him, then create an open relationship so he doesn't have to hide his behavior and you can trust him to be responsible for his actions. If you cannot be at peace with his behaviors, then do not let him into your heart space. You have to cultivate the emotional maturity to face the truth of a person's nature and choose to be honest about what TRULY works for you. I hope this helps... Dr. Venus
      Reply
  8. Fatima Williams

    I am currently in the process of DEEP CLEANING my house so everything has it's place and I have MY ROOM(SACRED SPACE) To connect to Self to Allow God and Universe in to help me remove the clutter in so that I CAN focus! I have been so caught up in "helping" everyone else and tending to their needs that it is no longer my business and it's not making me any money so now my business has begun to suffer because I have allowed my heart strings to be pulled....
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Fatima, The great news is that you are NO LONGER letting distractions in the form of helping others deter you for your destiny! BRAVO! YAY! Dr. V
      Reply
  9. <a href='http://www.innovativesocialmediadesign.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>kiki</a>

    This is awesome...speaks to so many truths. Making space to declutter my home . Which will help declutter my life.
    Reply
  10. <a href='http://www.harlemedc.biz' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Maimouna</a>

    Don't look for love... Be love (Attract love)* I am love! Author unknown....heard via Oprah *I added this
    Reply
  11. SHELIA Z BARNES

    Wow! I've had to heal from the physical & emotional abuse from my father as I now am his caregiver, which has been an interesting & beautiful journey. I LOVE & appreciate the approach you've taken to heal what ails ya. Continued &complete healing SiStar! The only true healing is self healing!
    Reply
  12. Eunice Peele

    When you are praying for physical healing, you have to hold a space for that healing. With everything that may be coming at you with the challenge, make space for the healing you're praying for. Thank you Dr. V., for the insight!
    Reply
  13. <a href='http://www.bookkeepingandsecretarialservices.org' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Yvrose Philippe</a>

    Thank you for sharing....I have so many things in my life that I need healing for....I was never good enough for my parents when I was young, they were always told me to do and like the same thing than my sisters. I need healing for the 16 1/2 years of abuse from my husband; I need healing from my son who left me alone, sick, when I needed his help physically the most and went to his dad who used to abuse both of us and kept my house though the judge asked that house to be sold. I am trying to let go....and to be healed...but I do not know how.....Every time that I thought that I am over it....something from them will come up to hit me even harder, stronger....I do not know what to do to get pass this....Help me.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Yvrose, I am proud of you. Only a person who is committed to being free would acknowledge they don't know how. Here is what has worked for me: forgive myself. All forgiveness leads you to self-forgiveness. Forgive yourself for whatever you said to yourself about yourself for not being good enough in YOUR eyes. Forgive yourself for beating yourself for marrying your ex and for ignoring the signs or hunches that let you know something wasn't right. Forgive yourself feeling like you needed your son or expecting him to act ANY DIFFERENT than he had his entire life. This is not the first time he didn't fulfill your expectations. Be clear: I AM NOT BLAMING YOU. I know your parents, ex, and son did some fucked up shit and you have EVERY RIGHT to be livid! I feel you. I was there for DECADES! The way I was able to get my power back was taking responsibility by being cause in the matter of all that was in my world. Not the blame but the source. I am not asking you to fake and be responsible for their wounds. I am suggesting you look at what CAN you own and be responsible. One of the things I had to really surrender to is how often I would ignore people's actions and just focus on their words. I wanted to be loved so bad I would ignore the little things. And I would end up fucked over. But when I tell the truth, I was living in hope. PEOPLE'S ACTIONS NEVER LIE. I now listen to people's actions. I hope this helps sis. Forgive. They don't deserve the loss of your happiness. Let. Them. Go. In your heart space. Sincerely, Dr. Venus
      Reply
  14. <a href='http://www.born2thrive.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Porsha</a>

    I first want to say, Thank you for sharing. I truly miss your IG posts and videos but I know that healing requires a lot of solitude. Like so many others, I too am still healing from past traumas, hurts and betrayal. My most needed healing is unknown to me right now. I am clear on certain things with my life with regards to my passion, purpose, goals and the contributions I want to make in this world. However, something is still blocking me from attaining the abundance I SEE before me. I am not concerned with "how" to get there as I know God/Divine/Universe timing is not my own. I am just continuing to go deeper into myself to discover what what it is that's holding me back.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Porsha, Thank you for all of your support and your grace as I cocoon. I also bear witness to your commitment to really healing. Please be gentle with yourself as you heal. You are closer than you realize... :-) Dr. V
      Reply
  15. M

    I appreciate all of the comments but I've never known my father. My mother had me see him once. He also came to her funeral when I was a child, scribbled his name and address in the guest book and left. I never heard from him or seen him since 1977. I'm currently in a loveless marriage, always been in bad relationships feel like confused and sad all of the time. I will make space for a new life of health, happiness and prosperity as I get close to 50 in a couple of years.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi M, I honor your experience. I hear your commitment to a new life of health, happiness, and prosperity. Thank you for not giving up on you. Sincerely, Dr. V
      Reply
  16. Karolyn Morris

    I wish I knew why my dad abused me. He's dead now so I'll never know. He also took life from me, I have no children. I feel his actions completely change my life and I don't know how to heal from it. Get pass it and completely over it. I don't have any medical so I can't afford mental health. But God have gotten me thru to this point and I'm still standing and living in spite of.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Karolyn, My heart feels you so deeply. Please check out Dr. Michael Beckwith's book/audiobook, "Life Visioning: A Transformative Process for Activating Your Unique Gifts and Highest Potential." This process help me heal in ways that have given me peace. There is another resource that had me forgive FOR REAL and get past the pain is The Power of Radical Forgiveness: An Experience of Deep Emotional and Spiritual Healing. These two books helped me to reclaim my life. Please read them and do the exercises. They will change your life. Dr. V
      Reply
  17. Fanz Newman-Harris

    WOW, this "hits" so close to home for me. The last time I spoke to (or with) my father was when "I" called him; has been this way my entire life. I have spent my entire life trying to understand why it is: "If I don't reach out to him, we don't (and haven't) speak[en]." I'm DONE WITH THAT. I feel if he wanted a relationship, he would pursue one (or me). It has probably been over or at least or over 10 years, since we have had contact. You know the saying: "Out of sight, out of mind;" that's a two-way street, last time I checked. I won't keep doing this to myself, it's NOT HEALTHY!! Namaste, my Beautiful Sisters!!
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Fanz, I hear your stand for yourself and communication. Have you read, The Five Love Languages? If not, check it out. Different people express love differently. My Nanna NEVER calls me--but she ALWAYS takes my calls. I too was angry for always having to call her. I asked her why didn't she call me, she said, "Who cares who calls who? It only matters that we love each other." That's when I realized her love language--acts of service. When I call her, she feels needed. So I now gladly call her, because I understood her love language. I hope this helps... Dr. V
      Reply
  18. Shauneille

    I love the openness that you have with your life and struggles. It helps me feel that, even at 60, I can make something that I am proud of out of me. 2019 is going to be a year that I pour into me, myself, and I, and get it together. I can't do another year like 2018.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Dear Shaunielle, Thank you for letting my walk feed yours. And you are spot on: 2019 is THE year!!! Get ready for goodness flowing! YAY! Dr. V
      Reply
  19. Tia

    Dr Venus This post is so God to me right now! I bear witness I need to make space to let love come in. I felt so used so many years by family that my own life is left unkempt. This email let the flood gate of tears out...thank you Sis (CYBERHUG)💞💕..Let God use you..help me put my broken pieces together...
    Reply

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