Last month, I honored Mommas. Now, it’s time to appreciate and acknowledge the brothers and fathers among us who love us.
For me, that starts with God.
Momma always took us to church. All my life, I have memories of being part of one. The denomination was irrelevant. The church provided food, clothing, babysitting, vacation bible school, after-school programs, etc. I even had my first crush in the church! The choir director – gay as all outdoors and VERY kind.
When things would get bad at home, I would pray.
Momma would get angry, and let me know it by saying she should have aborted me.
She made it very clear that she only tolerated me … that I never should have been born. I believed her.
So I starved myself. But she would not let me die. She would hurt my body until I “acted like I had some sense.”
It took me years to stop hurting my body the way she had taught me to. It took me decades to stop wishing I had never been born.
And through it all, God was there – my constant companion. Jesus was cool too – in fact, one day Momma was hurting my body and I called out … “Jesus” …
She stopped. She said, “You better call on Jesus,” and walked away. I never forgot that.
Yes, I was down with Jesus. But God? Humph. God was my homie.
I remember (I was only six or seven at the time, so it’s fuzzy, but it’s there) kneeling at the altar of a particular White church, during the part of the service where you give your soul to the Lord.
I remember supplicating on the smooth velvet of the stairs of the altar (did I mention it was a rich White church?). I remember crying, my head up.
Next to me was this beautiful young White girl, and she was crying, too, her head down. I can still picture her, clear as day; she had a pretty, round face, big red curls, and her chubby little child hands were clasped together in prayer, while she gave her life to the Lord, on her knees.
There we were, both of us with tears streaming down our faces, and I had no idea why.
All I knew was that I wanted to belong to God. I wanted God’s love.
So I gave my life to the God right then and there, in the sky that day, next to the pretty white girl with the round face and big red curls.
As I healed and really took on the alchemy of transforming my relationship to myself, I also took on God. In my quest for knowledge, I read and studied everything I could get my hands on. I read the Bible five times. I feel in love with The Message. I studied the Gospel of Thomas as well as the historiography of the Bible. I got clear on St. Augustine and his relationship with his mother. I studied the Torah, the Bhagavad Gita, The Korah, Daoism, Buddhism, Native American Religion, Crystal Healing, Numerology, Astrology, Angel Cards, Shamanism, and chanting. God in nature. God in science. New Age. New Thought. Greek Mythology. Roman Mythology. African Cosmology. Stonehenge. The Pyramids. Elections. Protons. Neutrons. Atoms. Particles. The Big Bang Theory. Darwin’s Theory of Evolution.
And then it happened.
I realized that I am NOT my body.
I am not what Momma said or what others did to me. I was a soul. A spirit. An atom made up of the same stuff as the stars.
I realized I had it all wrong. I had thought that Momma and my daddy (different article – wait for it – it’s coming) were my parents. They were not.
They were the vessels by which my REAL father could bring me into being.
God is my Father.
“Split a piece of wood and I am there … lift a stone and you will find me.” – The Gospel of Thomas
So I hold God as my Father. My all, really. God was there before I was conceived. He picked my parents to create me, and he breathed life into me. And now, I say God gave me the perfect parents and life to prepare me for my destiny.
So I say thank you, God.
Thank you for loving me and being with me every moment of my life.
Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me.
Thank you for protecting me and making me whole.
I know I owe my very life to Spirit. So I acknowledge God for choosing me and letting my life be useful.
I invite you to acknowledge God the Father, right now. Whichever way you roll, no worries – your God is whatever you feel authentic about. Please don’t trip on religion or dogma.
God isn’t necessarily gendered. For a season, I just related to God as “Source.” Now I count EVERYTHING God. Even the stuff I think is bad. Since God is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, I count it ALL God.
So let’s not turn this into an existential debate. Any way you flow with that which is bigger than you, which animates life itself, is perfect for you. Love on it.
Tell us … what do you acknowledge God the Father for?
What can you thank and appreciate the God of your understanding as “father” in your life for?
Post below so we can bear witness …