Every May, we celebrate Mother’s Day.

This year, I want to take a moment to thank Momma. (I know she won’t see this post, but I’m thanking her anyway.)

Now, if you know my story, right now you’re probably goin’, “Whoa, girl! What in the world do you have to thank her for?? Didn’t she throw you out on the streets? Didn’t she hurt you??”

Yes. She did.

But she was also the vessel that God used to breathe life into me.

She carried me. She birthed me. And I SEE differently now, sis.

I understand that she really did love me …

She loved me enough to let me go.

I remember when we lived in Ft. Worth, Texas. I was about14 or 15 years old. I was sitting in the living room, just zoned out. I was numb. And I was bone TIRED, sis. I had given up.

The truth of it was this: I was perpetually waiting for the next blow—literally waiting for my life to end.

That day in the living room, the sadness had taken over, and my will to live was evaporating right in front of Momma’s eyes as she looked at me. She stared at me for a long time before finally saying, “Venus, I am going to send you back to Baltimore. You are not happy here.” It was like I was hearing her voice, her words, from underwater.

I repeated what I thought I heard her say: “You mean … you mean I’m going home?” And she said, “Yes.”

I started to cry, even though I had made it a practice to never cry in front of Momma. It showed weakness, and Momma had a tendency to strike when I showed weakness.

But the kindness she showed me that one, single day cracked my heart wide open.

I remember how she got down on her knees, gathering my frail body in her arms (I had stopped eating, talking, and sleeping; I was wasting away). I remember her saying, “I am so sorry, Punchy. I am going to do right by you.”

And the tears came harder. I sat there and cried, in Momma’s arms.

This is the memory that lets me love Momma.

I look back now, and I see how love is still love, even if it LOOKS completely different than what we are taught. Even if it looks nothing like everyone else’s version of love … even if it is tempered with pain.

And there is ALWAYS a reason to be grateful.

 

For me, today, I see that Momma loved me the best she could, and I AM grateful. 

 

Yes, I have healed my heart around Momma, and I thank GOD for that. It lets me see her the way I do today, writing this post.

 

And that healing also allows me to love you, sis.

 

If you have daughters, or do business with women, take the case that until you heal your relationship with you Momma, you will act it out on your children in some way. You will also distrust women who remind you of your mother, which can kill of entire revenue streams. #realtalk #ihavewalkedthis

What about you, sis? Have you ever had to heal YOUR heart, with YOUR Momma? What did you learn from your experience? Please share below, so we can bear witness.

OR – give a shout out to your Momma—whom holds that space for you—imperfect as she may be here … in honor of this month of celebrating Mothers.

With all the love my heart can hold…

Dr. Venus

 

18 Responses to “For Momma”

Comments List

  1. <a href='http://www.mbasgroup.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Ann Mills</a>

    My momma gave me away at 6momths, she got pregnant by a black man. For years I could not phantom why a Mom would walk away from her only daughter (been that I love mine so much) But today I am thankful she did, she was brave and because of what she saw as shame, she did the best thing she could have for me. I was raised by an educator who instill many profound things in my life. Today I am who I am strong successful and determined....momma trash became treasure
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Ann, I love that you declared your mom "brave." I would even go further. She was merciful. She could have aborted you, especially if you were conceived in America when loving someone of a different race was a crime. If she kept you for six months, that could indicate she wanted you and didn't have the support structures to do so. I don't know if she saw you as shame--unless she told you that directly. But she loved you. You are alive. Dr. Venus
      Reply
  2. Karen Bragg

    Wow, what an amazing story, but God!! My birth Mom passed away when I was about 3 years old, but I still feel that "void", especially this time of year. I was raised by my Step Mom, and we had our challenges, but I now realize, she did the best she knew how based on her experiences. She recently passed away in February, so I feel like my heart has finally healed and I can move forward in Love...
    Reply
  3. <a href='http://irvinamoody.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Irvinia Moody</a>

    Yes, writing my book revealed the biggest secret about my mother. I can't not share it now, it broke my heart to know this. However, I am healing daily and I love my mother so much. I am thankful to God for taking care of me and loving me.
    Reply
  4. <a href='http://www.EmpressEmSharon.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Sharon Green</a>

    I was adopted so I have two moms and a wicked sister. I have issues with them both. My adopted parents are well to do professional people. My natural mom/dad were not. Both sets abandoned and rejected me. I was a pawn for their mind games and control. They were killing me mentally, I suffered physically. I was deeply depressed but never sought professional help. At 17 yrs. old, I left my adopted parents to live in Chicago to find myself. I had to know my natural mother and her family, in total, she has nine children including her first three that were adopted. It didn't go well. She took out on me the pain/hurt of us being adopted by my father's sister and her husband. We were taken away from her and, she had no choice in the matter, she was a minor. My sister took advantage of my absence through her jealousy that has kept me exiled from my adopted family. She always wanted to be an only child. She accomplished that. She recently told me to leave her family along and go and get closer to my children. My adopted mom will not recieve phone calls from me anymore. Thos made me feel like a fish out of water, where I didnt know where I belong. It was the final blow to my heart. My natural mom started having children at 13 yrs old. My adopted mom said you can't have two mothers, so she let me go. To this day we have an estranged relationship. At one point in my life I wanted to kill my natural mom. I thought on it a million ways until I had to surrender those feelings to God, because my anger started to feel good towards her, to the point I was building myself up to kill her. I knew in my heart this was not right. My natural mother treat me more like a step sister or a so-called friend. I have come to acceptance about our broken relationship and have given it to God. I decided to love both sets of my parents. I had to find a way to love them instead of hating them...so I had to release them to God. When they still do stuff to hurt me...i tell God on them, then I put a praise on it! It is my form of release.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Sharon, My favorite statement in your generous post is this, "I have come to acceptance about our broken relationship and have given it to God." THAT is power!! Congratulations on YOUR liberation! Dr. Venus
      Reply
  5. Kathryn Ashby

    What a heartfelt tribute to your Mom and the point where you felt close enough to her at that one point where you could cry in front of her.Thats where your love blossomed for her.Thank God for a love point between the two of you.I loved my Mom in every aspect of the word but the last 2 years of her life made it carved in stone.I took care of my Mom she had lung cancer and my dad had Altzheimers.Thelast 2 years were the roughfest.My Mom and I were much closer we would sit up on my nights off and just talk about everything in my life and hers.We listen to the blues and we would cry about some of the memories.When I could no longer take care of both my dads doctor placed him in a care center for veterans.He did not know my Mom and that hurt her I think that caused her to stop fighting she stopped all of her cancer meds because they made her soo sick.I had no say in that decision.But the last few months were very traumatic for me I watched a vibrant woman become so weak and me being a nurse I felt so helpless because I could not help my Mom get better.I felt so lost and distressed.When she passed I almost lost it but God.I had 2 daughters 17yrs and 5yrs old I had to care for.God gave me superpowers in His strenght.I prayed that I could be the type of mother that my Mom was.Then just 2 years ago I lost my daughter 37yrs old and she left a6yr old son.So Mothers day is hard on the both of us.But my trust and my faith in God is what keeps me going. I pray you and all the other Moms have a blessed and wonderful day.May God continue to cover you and yours.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Kathryn, I can completely understand you feeling helpless as a nurse regarding your mom's decline. I will say this: I truly am so happy you had that season with her to share together. I do think that when a spouse removed from the space, the will to live decreases. And you are ABSOLUTELY correct: you had no say so in that decision. I am sorry about your own daughter transitioning. I am not a mother and send you love and light as you adapt to life now with your grandson. I would like to think he is a piece of your daughter and I bless God you have him. With all love my heart can hold for your sis, Dr. Venus
      Reply
  6. <a href='http://totallifechanges.com/slati%20Surge365.com/escapadesbylati' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Sheree</a>

    Thank you Venus for sharing. I am in healing space with my Momma. I have always felt that she was to critical and very hard to please. I always think of her when I hear Prince say maybe I am just like my mother She's never satisified. I am concluding that her measure is not my measure and I accept her as she is. I know that she loves me and she wants better for me. She has to know that her better is not necessarily my better and have to do the same for my daughters. I love you Momma!!!💋
    Reply
  7. Marie Talley

    My mama was perfect. She was the perfect woman, wife and mother. She set the bar so high I was never able to reach it. And I silently resented the fact that I could not be her. At the end of her days, I had difficulty spending time with her. That person in that bed was not my mama. Yet her last thoughts were of her children. During her transition she once stated that she was tired, but she did not want to leave her children in this mean, cruel world. She always put us first. I love you mama....and I miss you so.
    Reply
  8. Jones

    My Mommy was my best friend. She passed in 2001 and I got busy taking care of everything and everyone but me. I was diagnosed with depression in 2003 and still take medicine to regulate my brain. Mommy never prepared me for life without her. Her mother passed when I was 2 so I never had a Grandmother and my daughter was born in 2007 so she doesn't have a Grandmother either. This time of year brings sadness for me, but I am grateful to God that I am a mother and hope to honor my Mommy's memory as I raise my daughter.
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Ms. Jones, Thank you so very much for sharing with us. I feel you about holidays and sadness. Christmas has been that for me. I encourage you to know that your mom and grandmom are smiling down on you from heaven. That always helps me with Christmas when I miss my sister the most... Dr. V
      Reply
  9. Felicia Brown

    Thanks for sharing your story. I would like to thank my mother Carolyn Blackman for always being there and loving me for who I am. I thank you mom for giving me the love and life you gave me. I love my mother Happy Mother's Day
    Reply
    • Dr. Venus

      Hi Felicia, This is a beautiful acknowledgment. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It's very inspiring. Sincerely, Dr. Venus
      Reply
  10. Rashawn Davis

    Wow, Dr. Venus...this is deep; yet so beautiful. I have weathered a few storms and walked through some flames in my lifetime. So yes, I definitely have hurts and pains I have carried with me through my life journey. I believe many of my hurts and pains are associated and tied to one major event concerning my mom. She and I recently had a discussion via phone concerning the matter and I was able to shed some of my tears, hurt and pain with her. Today, just as yourself, I realize and accept that my mom did the best she knew how and thought she was making the best decisions for my life at that time. I love my mom and I honor her this Mother’s Day and everyday...thanking her for accepting the responsibility God placed upon herzddf life to be my mother.
    Reply
  11. <a href='http://drcrystalcolenman.com' rel='external nofollow' class='url'>Crystal Coleman</a>

    My mother is very special to me. I always thought she was a strong,praying momma who believe in the power God. She taught me how to love others and genuinely help others who may be less fortunate. We dont always agree on things because we both stand strong on our opinions. I thank God for her and what she has given me my first understanding and foundation In Christ my savior. She is interested in my eternal life. That says enough for me. I value what my mom ha instilled in me. I cherish her and pray God best for her. My mom my love.
    Reply

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